Free Write #3

“Undoing the Silence”

I am probably going to use the title “Undoing the Silence” over and over because I love it soooo much!!!  This reading up through chapter three of Undoing the Silence has like many other readings in this program hit home for me.  I have been in a personal struggle with my daughter’s father.  I have a difficult time standing up to him.  I am not fully aware of the reasons behind this but I have recognized how difficult it is for me and at least that is a start.  While reading through chapter three of Undoing the Silence one of my girlfriends had been texting me about a conversation I was dreading having with my daughter’s father tomorrow.  Her exact words were “stop appeasing him.  You have changed through this whole thing and your not the same person you were.  I am not saying you should create WWIII with him but stop letting him dictate what you do.”  Before she sent this message I was telling her that when something would occur in a conversation or situation with him I would just let whatever he said go and not even address it because I didn’t want to create conflict.  I worked for the court system for a long time and I remember lots of women in divorces or custody battles that would fly off the handle in court or even out in front of the court house because they were so upset and caught up in the moment.  Everyone who worked there would look down upon these women.  They weren’t doing anything to help their situation.  They were making it worse.  I have a fear of being that woman and because of that I say nothing.  I have silenced myself. Between my readings this week and my girlfriend’s words of encouragement I am going to do my best to take this to heart and work on it.  Next time I feel I am saying nothing for fear of loosing control I will try to take a tiny step.  It may not look like much at first but for me it will be big.  One of these days while taking one of these steps I may loose some control but its because there is so much pain and passion in what I have to say. 

Free Write #2

It never ceases to amaze me the things in my schooling that can so directly be applied in my own life.  I had done reading in another class that was all about family life cycles and the chapter I was on was directly about women.  It spoke of women in the workforce and how society at times blamed the mother for being out of the home and that was the cause of things like school shootings.  There was research and evidence about how when mothers took on employment outside of the home they set a high bar and level of confidence for their children to rise to.  Many working mothers had children who were excelling in life because they had a role model who showed them that the sky is the limit.  This hit home hard for me.  Being a single working mother of 2 daughters I struggle with a constant sense of guilt that I am not home enough or don’t always have the laundry and dishes caught up.  This chapter I read made me feel really good about working, going to school, and setting a great example for my children.  I want my girls to aim high in life and reach for anything and everything they want.

First Free Writing Attempt

First I must give credit to the book that is starting this: “Undoing the Silence” by Louise Dunlap

I am going to begin the practice of free writing on my blog.  This may, at times, appear as journaling or very personal.  It may be me talking about school, work, or family.  It will not be grammatically correct and will most likely be full of all sorts of errors.  No comments of criticism are welcome.  This is my own exercise to assist me in writing more freely.  I will not let my personal silencing ways or the way any other person may have participated in silencing me at some point over the last 30 years of my life.  Reading “undoing the Silence” has been incredibly enjoyable.  I generally approach homework in a business way, like I need to get this stuff done, it wont be fun, but I need to drag my ass through it.  I love the absolute hell out of it when it becomes fun and personal, such as starting to do my own free write on my blog.  The best part is anyone in my class who has also read the same material will know its purpose and will most likely be supportive because of that. 

xoxoxoxo!!

My kiddos

Had to share a couple pictures of my little monkeys! My oldest daughter is named Sage and she is 9 years old. My youngest is Brooklynn and she is 11 months old.

Blogging Newbie

Well I must first start by saying I've never cared for blogging.  I've checked out a few and there is only one that I ever followed for a while.  It was called Meals and Miles and it was all about a girls journey doing different running races and cooking delicious and healthy food.  Two things I could easily relate to.  Other then that I really never saw the purpose.  I mean, life is flying by, who has time to sit down and type about it?????  Certainly not me!  But now that it has been made an assignment, here I am.  I'm a little nervous about the whole thing.  Who is reading this?  Are they judging me?  Maybe I'm being paranoid...?  Anyway hopefully I'll fall into some kind of rhythm with this blogging thing. Fingers crossed!